Re-raise? Really? Come on, we both know you're behind. You're not going to bully me out of this one. Do you know what I do to bullies? Let me tell you a story... it was just after the Battle of Whatsiston when my associates and I had just defeated the notorious Thousand Goblins of The House of Five Blades and saved the town, if not the entire country. But that's another story.
Anyway, we walked back into town, where Vira healed the wounded and the guard captain thanked us for saving them from certain death. Now, it is well known to every adventurer that a dispatched villain's corpse and belongings are the property of the ones who killed him, and you would think that it's just common courtesy but apparently not. So then, believing that we could safely leave a few bodies strewn about without the locals picking over them like grave robbers - who would do such a thing, can you imagine fencing grave goods? - yes, so we left the bodies and went for a well-deserved rest.
We awoke to find that the locals, led by none other than the infamous Corpulomancer - ah yes, I see you've heard of him, haven't you? Back then he only weighed twelve hundred pounds but now it's another matter, best left for another story. So the locals, at his direction, had stolen all of the loot that we had left stored on clearly marked corpses so that there could be no confusion about who owned them. Thus the theft was obviously deliberate. Well, we went marching straight to the Corpulomancer's door, brushing past his shyster guards and into his den of disrepute.
"Excuse me sir," I politely announced our arrival, "I believe you owe us a few things, do you not?"
"No it's all ours," he replied, "because blah blah whine whine whine some goblins pissed in my gruel this morning or some crap like that so I'm keeping it."
"That is terribly bad manners old chap, are you sure you wouldn't like to just do the right thing? I'll give you this one last chance." I'm nothing if not gracious, you see.
Call your two hundred gold, by the way.
Anyway, then the Corpulomancer spat "Noooooo. I'm a big whiny bitch who likes to molest dead bugs and I'm going to keep your stuff."
So I put on my serious face. "What if I were to give you a sandwich?" I asked him.
"..."
"Of the knuckle variety." He knew that I wasn't talking about pork knuckle sandwiches, although I do make a great one of those too.
"Phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbttbtbbbbbbbbbbttttt," he heaved a sigh of pure terror, spitting chunks of food that had been stuck in his teeth at me. He said not another word and, utterly defeated, handed everything over. But as I said, I'm nothing if not gracious, so we left him a very nice staff and then went about our business which, as it turned out, was to kill an army of sorcerer-frogs and save the Queen's entire civil service from kidnapping, but that is another story.
Would you look at that, you do have a hand after all don't you? Right, about that money... no, no, there's no need for knives. I'll just go get it, it's umm, on my horse outside, right-o, see you in a minute!"
+250 xp for Zacarias
+50 xp for Hep'ztar
